MOST LAWLESS PLACE IN THE HEMISPHERE

Since then, the City Council has joined the holy crusade by passing ordinance #316-83, whose section 1015.16 prohibits (their italics) "the use or presence of nuclear radiation, including neutron, alpha, beta, and gamma radiation, or any process, procedure, material, which contains, involves, produces, emits, causes or is otherwise a source of nuclear radiation."

And in case you think they cannot possibly mean what they say, subsection (1) is quick to explain that "By nuclear radiation is meant radiation emitted from natural or artificial isotopes."

Suppose that, with our well known politeness and penchant for genteel diplomacy, we reject the hypothesis of abysmal ignorance; what are we to conclude?

That the city council is corrupt: It failed to disqualify itself when voting on this ordinance, even though every one of its members "contains, involves, produces, emits, causes and is otherwise a source of radiation," mainly via the natural radioisotopes in his blood, flesh, guts, and other bodily inventory which he is full of.

That the police is grossly negligent and derelict in its duties: they have not arrested a single person, though anyone who inhabits the town ipso facto violates the ordinance; nor have they confiscated the air, water, food, fuel, thimbles and rubber penguins in the city, all of which stand in gross violation of ordinance 314.

That Mine Hill, N.J., is the most lawless place in the hemisphere. The fraction of lawbreakers may be high in Harlem, Houston or Mexico City; but only in Mine Hill, N.J., is everybody in defiance of the law. And some felons are more felonious than others. Groceries sell salad oil at 4,900 picocuries per litre; and liquor stores sell whisky at 6,000 pCi/l.

Only the babes are innocent, you may think.

Maybe in Sodom and Gomorrha; but not in Mine Hill, New Jersey. As soon as they eat a little banana, they radiate more from potassium 40, the little gangsters...