LEMME SELL YOU SOME PANTIES

A more amusing racket was reported by the WSJ on 9/4: an employee of NW Bell Telephone dips underwear in "liquid silver" and sells it for $25 apiece to protect video display terminal (VDT) operators from harmful rays. The silver keeps out the rays, she says; "experts," comment the experts of the WSJ, "recommend shields on VDTs."

My foot they do. There is no radiation that needs screening. The radiation coming from a VDT screen is simple light. What that does to eye strain, I don't know, although as a layman in ophthalmology, I would venture a guess that it has precious little to do with one's underwear. But of course, the mysterious rays are meant to be suggestive of ionizing radiation; and if there were any, a thin layer of metal on fabric wouldn't even make them laugh.

But Inmac Corporation, supplier of computer accessories, is not so sure. "We don't know whether there's a danger or not. But rather than take any chances..." they will let you have a screen blocking soft X-rays for a paltry $169. "This shield blocks up to 95% of CRT screen radiation" says the full-page ad in their catalog. The people at Lotus 1-2-3 will sell you this gimmick under the same type of advertising.

It is possible that the device, by shading the VDT screen, reduces glare and increases visibility; but why trust a company that uses such hype? There are others that sell computer supplies and spreadsheets without relying on fear and ignorance. Meanwhile, I will sell you underwear laced with goat's hair which is guaranteed to protect you from 95% of the jinxes emanating from the roofs of Rawalpindi. Can you prove your life is free of Rawalpindi reverberations? Rather than take any chances...

[More: Health and safety aspects of VDTs, $2 from Amer. C. on Sci. & Health, 47 Maple St., Summit, NJ 07901. The great majority of the many computer supply catalogs that I receive do not offer the screen "protection" gimmick; good spreadsheets are available from software houses that sell under the "honor system," such as PC-SIG, 1030 E. Duane/#J, Sunnyvale, CA 94086. You pay $6 per floppy, and if you like the software, you are trusted to send its author a fee ranging from $20 to $50.]